Two weeks today of NOOOO coffeee!!
Impressed?!
I am!
And you know what - I think its making me lose weight? Pleasantly shockingly! What a great surprise reward! Incredible.
Free CD in the newspaper this morning, so I'm sitting listening to Amazon frogs and rain falling... and ... oh dear... its making me homesick :(.
I'm on a journey right now, not quite sure what that journey is yet. I'm just waiting to see where it takes me, but so far it has taken me a very long way from long grass, red earth, mangoes and rain. The buzz of mosquitoes and deafening frog symphonies. Smells and sounds. Heuglins Robin in the evening, Wood Owls at night.. Hmm.
I say to myself "What the....!!!?" InSANE girl? Living a desk job in rural England. But... its part of life's rich tapestry. I'm on a journey of discovery.
***********
ooopsss... I never finished this blog. Was in a wierd space. So what the hell. will post it anyway - finished or not. But now its THREE weeks of no coffee!!! And still getting damned "I'dkillforacoffeeee" symptoms. When will they go away!!! Gees... and they say alcoholism is a tough nut to crack!! I'm so BORED of herbal teas!!! So so bored! How much Rooibos; cranberry this; lemon that; ginger whatsits can I take!!! Might have to try Nettle tea just for something different. Anyway - My hair and my skin and perhaps ... just a teeny perhaps... my moods, are healtheir. And my hips are miraculously youthful... no more constant groaning from them :) Look on the positive side girl and stop wingeing!
Saturday 24 January 2009
Sunday 18 January 2009
Excited, Excited!!!
You know. Its finally starting to creep in. That anticipation of new things to come.
In just 2 teeny little days the world will have a new leader in power.
Gone that awful, dangerous hedonist who was only after his own ignorant, egocentric means. Who did so much long-term harm to this world. I have so often wondered how things would have been had Al Gore got in. Oh so different. Now we are wobbling and spinning out of control on so many axes, not only "The great Axis of Evil". (What a stupid fool whoever coined that phrase... oh,... was it Dubyah??!.. ha.. surprise). Obama has a daunting task ahead of him, kind of like those B grade drama movies where the pilot is pulling back on the levers with all his might to keep the plane from plunging to the earth.
I'm not normally one for US politics and Dubyah certainly turned me off completely. But I am excrutiatingly conscious of how much impact the US has on the earth we all share. So a tiny flame was lit inside me reading this wonderful blog The Gold Puppy by Reya in Washington DC. She sowed the seed for an excitement that is growing, spreading through my veins. It really IS happening. There IS hope. WE CAN DO THIS! We can make the world a better place.
Thought for the day: We share this precious earth with all living beings. We like to think of ourselves as superior - we are not. And we should not be fooled into this concept.
My daily inspiration: Wild Wonders of Europe and especially the blog by Magnus .
In just 2 teeny little days the world will have a new leader in power.
Gone that awful, dangerous hedonist who was only after his own ignorant, egocentric means. Who did so much long-term harm to this world. I have so often wondered how things would have been had Al Gore got in. Oh so different. Now we are wobbling and spinning out of control on so many axes, not only "The great Axis of Evil". (What a stupid fool whoever coined that phrase... oh,... was it Dubyah??!.. ha.. surprise). Obama has a daunting task ahead of him, kind of like those B grade drama movies where the pilot is pulling back on the levers with all his might to keep the plane from plunging to the earth.
I'm not normally one for US politics and Dubyah certainly turned me off completely. But I am excrutiatingly conscious of how much impact the US has on the earth we all share. So a tiny flame was lit inside me reading this wonderful blog The Gold Puppy by Reya in Washington DC. She sowed the seed for an excitement that is growing, spreading through my veins. It really IS happening. There IS hope. WE CAN DO THIS! We can make the world a better place.
Thought for the day: We share this precious earth with all living beings. We like to think of ourselves as superior - we are not. And we should not be fooled into this concept.
My daily inspiration: Wild Wonders of Europe and especially the blog by Magnus .
Sunday 11 January 2009
Coming "off" it
I'm on self-enforced coffee cold turkey.
Figured that my week(s) of poor-sorry-me depression cant remain blamed on a mega case of PMT; slights by my sister-in-law; or on the grey freezing days; or on my job which is awesome but reeeely scary!; or my mother who is so kind but cant replace my dad; or being overweight cos I'm not or lack of exercise cos there really IS no excuse; or my dad being dead because it was his time to be called; or my split between unavailable French man or far away Aussie man; or just or...
NOPE! Pull yourself together woman! Lilly livered sissy. The coffee has got to go! I dont know where that got decided. Maybe dad's ghost was in the kitchen this morning whilst I was unloading the dishwasher and setting to with an enthusiastic frenzy of making cranberry and apple smoothies (yummo!). Something or someone said "no" to me.
I'm now engulfed in a dreadful headache. Constant, dull, brain crushing. No pain no gain huh! OK - so this must be a good sign then. Perhaps I can make this last longer than a day. Perhaps I can make this last even! No more blackness suffocating my soul, no more sleep depriving achy hips from too much arthritis causing caffeine. No more irritability (wow!). Could this be the dawn of my 2009....
With my new found joie de vivre I walked dad's walk this morning. An hour by the lanes to the little village shop to get the Weekend paper. It was like being in a winter fairyland. Now I understand what on earth they mean when they say "freezing fog". Double Dutch to me until this morning. Im told its called "Rime Frost" and is really rare and only occurs when there is fog and frost. The fog freezes on the trees and on the grass and on the bushes and shrubs and flowers and twigs; twiglets; leaves; berries. Everything everywhere is covered by centimetres of frost that has melted and refrozen in icicles that hang, sparkling in the sunshine. It is COOL! Really really cool. Inspires an instant child-like wonder. Yesterday we had the same, but it was thick thick fog when I obliged myself to do my walk across the fields coocooning me in my own special world. Bouncing sound-waves off at strange angles so that the noise of distant cars sounded bizarre.
But today was better. Much better. I walked behind the house and paused, mesmerised. The neighbours trees bordering the field were entirely covered in glorious sparkling white ice. The little branches hanging over the path making a tunnel through a magical world.
I walked up to the dam, it was almost completely frozen over except for 5 white swans sitting elegantly in one corner. And as I walked on down the frosty lanes slipping on the puddles of ice, more swans flew over honking adding to the other-worldly feeling. My special walk i did with dad so many times as he was dying, ravaged by lung cancer. He would have just loved today. Just loved it. Been on top of the world.
I met a woman with a bundle of salvaged kindling and a newspaper. (She'd obviously been to the shop too). Eager to share in my joy I bubbled my pleasure at her and got a carrot-up-my-arse stuck up English plumbed response. I think she was so caught off guard that I greeted her she didnt know what to say. Or perhaps she was caught off guard that i was so wonderfully enthusiastic by this incredible morning because she expected me to moan about it. Or perhaps she just thought i was a commoner - wrong there girl! Silly woman. If she paused for one moment she would see what she was missing. I felt sorry for her.
"There are none so old as those that have lost enthusiasm"
Wednesday 7 January 2009
Scatter brain scatter brain
Ah but I ommitted why Betty is called "Betty of the eggs".
She has chickens. Not ordinary chickens. "Rescue chickens" of course my dear! Bantams that love to fly up and roost in the trees. Anyway - there is another woman in the village called Biddy and I could never for the life of me remember who was Biddy, who was Betty, wasnt there a Batty or a Bitty? So "Betty of the eggs" stuck.
And the golf course... this is no ordinary golf course - its wild and covered mostly in spiky gorse bush and is where very suspicious things go on that are related to our local butcher... but perhaps I will keep that for another blog. Now I'm supposed to be working! Oops! :)
She has chickens. Not ordinary chickens. "Rescue chickens" of course my dear! Bantams that love to fly up and roost in the trees. Anyway - there is another woman in the village called Biddy and I could never for the life of me remember who was Biddy, who was Betty, wasnt there a Batty or a Bitty? So "Betty of the eggs" stuck.
And the golf course... this is no ordinary golf course - its wild and covered mostly in spiky gorse bush and is where very suspicious things go on that are related to our local butcher... but perhaps I will keep that for another blog. Now I'm supposed to be working! Oops! :)
Monday 5 January 2009
The year of good things
Ah.. 2009. Finally.
A family from the village who are quite mad, adopted us for New Year. Well, the octagenarian mother who I shall name "Betty of the eggs", invited us to gatecrash her son's engagement party! Way to go girl!
Betty of the eggs is a passionate animal lover of note. We had invited her over for pre-New Year's eve drinks and she spoke of nothing else. I'm told every spare inch of her house is dedicated to dogs. Bones are not considered an outdoor thing. Oh but she does have sheets on her sofas! She gets up at 4.45am every morning, makes the dogs their sandwiches and then heads off, in the pitch dark, without a torch to walk the dogs on the golf course! And I'm talking PITCH dark! Winter freezing pitch dark. Cant see your hand in front of your face dark. How on earth she manages it the mind boggles. She can hardly walk without a stick. Has just had a second hip replacement. The first replacement still makes her wobble as the ligaments havnt healed or something or other. Ah but her joie de vivre, her nonchalance, her kindness is so refreshing.
My niece was invited out to see the horses shortly before midnight (they have rescue horses too) and picking her way through Betty of the eggs' half of the house confirmed that indeed, the house is overrun with dogs beds. In fact, quite impossible to get across the sitting room there are so many sleeping spots. Well, eccentric! pah! Her daughter-in-law to be was instantly accepted as she came complete with pet pig! Not an ordinary pig, a huge mother... hairy spotty black and white, squashed in face with tusks thing. A "rescue pig"! Oh my word! And I thought I was open minded. But this thing really was something! They took us out to see it in the freezing winter night. They had constructed a picture perfect pig's dolls house. Whilst they cooed at it and fed it bananas I had a surreal "what on earth am I doing" experience. No wonder the horses were terrified of it!
Anyway - you know what. 2008 was such a horrid time. Just so awful. That it was fitting to end it slightly off the wall.
I'm looking forward to 2009. We all have less money, so many of us had personal tragedies - sickness, deaths, sadness. Quite uncanny the hand that was dealt. But we have new blood amongst many of the world's politicians now - USA, Aus, France. OK some of those are old news. But it just feels like things are going to be better now. We have people to lead us who will do better for humanity. We will be less greedy because we dont have as much money to throw around - so perhaps we will become more generous, more loving, more in balance. We had the Queen's speech and a speech from Iran's president Amna Dinajad (argh! No idea how to spell that, I need to swat up! Dad would be shocked!). It was for me so significant to have these two people sending profound messages of wisdom to the world. Both of them focussing essentially on centering our lives. Being less egocentric. Respect for others. My head was saying Yes! Yes! Its time now. We are ready.
So, I approach 2009 not quite knowing what the point of life on earth is about. Dad's death has made me deeply deeply philosophical. Less scared of my own death. In a way, calmer. And, as if in a dream, I approach the new year, floating, ready. Sad, but just ok and a bit excited too!
A family from the village who are quite mad, adopted us for New Year. Well, the octagenarian mother who I shall name "Betty of the eggs", invited us to gatecrash her son's engagement party! Way to go girl!
Betty of the eggs is a passionate animal lover of note. We had invited her over for pre-New Year's eve drinks and she spoke of nothing else. I'm told every spare inch of her house is dedicated to dogs. Bones are not considered an outdoor thing. Oh but she does have sheets on her sofas! She gets up at 4.45am every morning, makes the dogs their sandwiches and then heads off, in the pitch dark, without a torch to walk the dogs on the golf course! And I'm talking PITCH dark! Winter freezing pitch dark. Cant see your hand in front of your face dark. How on earth she manages it the mind boggles. She can hardly walk without a stick. Has just had a second hip replacement. The first replacement still makes her wobble as the ligaments havnt healed or something or other. Ah but her joie de vivre, her nonchalance, her kindness is so refreshing.
My niece was invited out to see the horses shortly before midnight (they have rescue horses too) and picking her way through Betty of the eggs' half of the house confirmed that indeed, the house is overrun with dogs beds. In fact, quite impossible to get across the sitting room there are so many sleeping spots. Well, eccentric! pah! Her daughter-in-law to be was instantly accepted as she came complete with pet pig! Not an ordinary pig, a huge mother... hairy spotty black and white, squashed in face with tusks thing. A "rescue pig"! Oh my word! And I thought I was open minded. But this thing really was something! They took us out to see it in the freezing winter night. They had constructed a picture perfect pig's dolls house. Whilst they cooed at it and fed it bananas I had a surreal "what on earth am I doing" experience. No wonder the horses were terrified of it!
Anyway - you know what. 2008 was such a horrid time. Just so awful. That it was fitting to end it slightly off the wall.
I'm looking forward to 2009. We all have less money, so many of us had personal tragedies - sickness, deaths, sadness. Quite uncanny the hand that was dealt. But we have new blood amongst many of the world's politicians now - USA, Aus, France. OK some of those are old news. But it just feels like things are going to be better now. We have people to lead us who will do better for humanity. We will be less greedy because we dont have as much money to throw around - so perhaps we will become more generous, more loving, more in balance. We had the Queen's speech and a speech from Iran's president Amna Dinajad (argh! No idea how to spell that, I need to swat up! Dad would be shocked!). It was for me so significant to have these two people sending profound messages of wisdom to the world. Both of them focussing essentially on centering our lives. Being less egocentric. Respect for others. My head was saying Yes! Yes! Its time now. We are ready.
So, I approach 2009 not quite knowing what the point of life on earth is about. Dad's death has made me deeply deeply philosophical. Less scared of my own death. In a way, calmer. And, as if in a dream, I approach the new year, floating, ready. Sad, but just ok and a bit excited too!
Sunday 4 January 2009
Dreams are funny things
I relived dad's funeral last night. But this time, he was alive. Very surreal.
I was at home, in Ndola, the town where I grew up in central Africa. The church was supposed to have organised the drinks and the food, but they let me down. So I had had to do everything myself. Mum and dad arrived at the house at dusk, in the landcruiser, just in time. So with only half an hour to spare I sent dad off to buy drinks and a $100 note to change into Kwacha. I found mum curled up on the bed saying she couldnt come to the funeral as she had atrocious diarhoea. I was getting really anxious as dad hadnt even got ready for his funeral yet.
Finally he returned and we were at the Cathedral. He had a glass fronted office there and people were all milling around. We had some spare time so I invited 3 men to come in and chat with dad. I touched his hands. It was so vivid. So real. Real flesh. Real sensation. They were cold and I realised the ominous sign. He needed to rest immediately or blood would start pouring out of him. He had jet lag and was exhausted. I shovveled the men out including one guy who wanted to leave his suitcase in the office. But then I couldnt get dad to relax. He started wandering through the back warehouses of his old office unlocking great barred doors into the empty workshops with their blackened floors to look around nostalgically. Someone else was there. And then this beautiful singing started. Drifting to us from the Cathedral. He was late for his funeral. Dad... we HAVE to go..
Today its so freezing the water in the bird bath is frozen. Smoke from the houses in the village sitting, grey above us. Everything grey. Days and days of grey. I'm supposed to be doing dad's final tax return and am finding everything under the sun to mess around with, but that.
I was at home, in Ndola, the town where I grew up in central Africa. The church was supposed to have organised the drinks and the food, but they let me down. So I had had to do everything myself. Mum and dad arrived at the house at dusk, in the landcruiser, just in time. So with only half an hour to spare I sent dad off to buy drinks and a $100 note to change into Kwacha. I found mum curled up on the bed saying she couldnt come to the funeral as she had atrocious diarhoea. I was getting really anxious as dad hadnt even got ready for his funeral yet.
Finally he returned and we were at the Cathedral. He had a glass fronted office there and people were all milling around. We had some spare time so I invited 3 men to come in and chat with dad. I touched his hands. It was so vivid. So real. Real flesh. Real sensation. They were cold and I realised the ominous sign. He needed to rest immediately or blood would start pouring out of him. He had jet lag and was exhausted. I shovveled the men out including one guy who wanted to leave his suitcase in the office. But then I couldnt get dad to relax. He started wandering through the back warehouses of his old office unlocking great barred doors into the empty workshops with their blackened floors to look around nostalgically. Someone else was there. And then this beautiful singing started. Drifting to us from the Cathedral. He was late for his funeral. Dad... we HAVE to go..
Today its so freezing the water in the bird bath is frozen. Smoke from the houses in the village sitting, grey above us. Everything grey. Days and days of grey. I'm supposed to be doing dad's final tax return and am finding everything under the sun to mess around with, but that.
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