Wind whistling in the chimney

I've just read a friend's blog Ngorobob Hill and each time I do i get homesick. This last one she's been home to Zambia which makes it even worse for me... red dust; rainstorms; the smells and sounds of the rainy season. My favourite time of year.. And I've brought myself to this strange place?! Oh my word. Where the windows remain closed and the only sound of the outside world is through the t.v. or the wind whistling in the chimney. My soul screams to be outside but its grey (or dark) and COLD! Yeah yeah, excuses. Pathetic. And I thought I was tough!

Why is it that the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side? Here I find myself in England.. A strange land where everything is new and unfamiliar.

Well - its a long story so will explain another day. But here I am approaching the big 4.0. this year. Oh god. That dawned on me just today (Im blonde so I'm allowed to be a bit slow on the uptake!) Euff... and having finally abandoned the boyfriend just at the crucial i-need-to-have-kids-now-if-i'm-going-to-have-them-before-its-too-late kind of time.. fell passionately into the arms of a seductively French, french-man who just ended up breaking my heart (long story). So here I am empty handed. In a foreign land. Faaaaaar from home. With one mission - to fall passionately in love.

Ah well... things will be different this year. I lost my wonderful dad to cancer 3 months ago. So the future will be new, strange, lonely, scary, sad... like learning to walk again. But he taught me well and made me strong. So lets see where the journey goes.

He left me with impressions that are burnt indelibly into my brain. To truly count my blessings and treat each day as a gift. To respect all beings and above all to be cheerful. So - my black void of self-pitying blood-sucking depression has to be put behind me now. For I have a lot to achieve this coming year, 2009. He keeps sending me messages to remind me that I have MUCH to be grateful for. I'm will be strong for you dad.